Overly Invested?

I remember a time when I played 5/10 limit poker and crushed. I was making 1k a week and it was just awesome. I had no concept of bankroll management or fold equity or reverse implied odds. I just played, thought I knew what I was doing and I loved it. I still love the concept of poker, I like the idea of being able to make money at it, which is not happening at this moment, and the concepts. Every little pot I lose pisses me off though. I played 500 hands tonight and lost two buy ins, well I lost one and donk/tilted off the other one. It puts me in a terrible mood for the rest of the day and just sucks.

http://weaktight.com/544125

For example this hand really pissed me off. It isn't even a full stack but it still pisses me off. I know that you cant be results oriented and blah blah blah. Bullshit at one level or another everyone is results oriented or else we wouldn't be playing. No one can look at my graphs and not be frustrated. I would be a winning player, all be it a small one, if it wasn't for all the bullshit. The three outers, the terrible plays that idiots make and they don't even know why.

How does one get back to a point where poker is enjoyable, where it is not a fucking beating every time I sit down and open up my Hold'em Manager? I pray for break-even stretches. Every time I make a continuation bet I cringe knowing that the check raise is coming. I sit down and play and do reasonably well and then look at my stats and I see wow I haven't won shit. I would gladly give it all up if tomorrow I could go on a run and make all the money back and break even. I would say fuck it and happily uninstall every poker related thing on my computer. I love poker in the pure form, but really hate the nightmare it has me in currently.

The job is making things worse, the next month I am being split between two different stores. I work 3 days at one store and 2 at the other. I get no choice in my schedule and it is fucking lame. They are setting me up for failure, I can't build any repeat business because people don't know where I will be, fuck I don't even know where I will be.

Thanksgiving Is this week and I don't think I could be less excited about it if I worked at it. Holidays now are just about scheduling meals between the drives from Melissa's mom's house to my mom's house. Then I get to work 12 hour shifts on Friday and Saturday. The serious goal for next year...NOT WORK RETAIL. I want a job where you get Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving.

I really should be in bed I have to go to a fucking work meeting tomorrow at 7:30. Yes, that is right 7:30 when the stores open at 10. The day before Thanksgiving we have a meeting for some really lame bullshit. I know if I lay down I will just lay there and not sleep. I really just want to open up 9 tables and play myself into oblivion, either robusto or busto, it doesn't really matter too much at this point I guess. I mean it is pretty safe to assume that it wont be robusto.

All of this is taking a toll on my relationship with Melissa too. I am in such a shitty mood most of the time, I am not really ever in the mood to have relations. It is really pretty terrible that all of this shit is ruining everything else.

I guess I am done bitching for now, look for more later

Until later.