I remember a time when I played 5/10 limit poker and crushed. I was making 1k a week and it was just awesome. I had no concept of bankroll management or fold equity or reverse implied odds. I just played, thought I knew what I was doing and I loved it. I still love the concept of poker, I like the idea of being able to make money at it, which is not happening at this moment, and the concepts. Every little pot I lose pisses me off though. I played 500 hands tonight and lost two buy ins, well I lost one and donk/tilted off the other one. It puts me in a terrible mood for the rest of the day and just sucks.
http://weaktight.com/544125
For example this hand really pissed me off. It isn't even a full stack but it still pisses me off. I know that you cant be results oriented and blah blah blah. Bullshit at one level or another everyone is results oriented or else we wouldn't be playing. No one can look at my graphs and not be frustrated. I would be a winning player, all be it a small one, if it wasn't for all the bullshit. The three outers, the terrible plays that idiots make and they don't even know why.
How does one get back to a point where poker is enjoyable, where it is not a fucking beating every time I sit down and open up my Hold'em Manager? I pray for break-even stretches. Every time I make a continuation bet I cringe knowing that the check raise is coming. I sit down and play and do reasonably well and then look at my stats and I see wow I haven't won shit. I would gladly give it all up if tomorrow I could go on a run and make all the money back and break even. I would say fuck it and happily uninstall every poker related thing on my computer. I love poker in the pure form, but really hate the nightmare it has me in currently.
The job is making things worse, the next month I am being split between two different stores. I work 3 days at one store and 2 at the other. I get no choice in my schedule and it is fucking lame. They are setting me up for failure, I can't build any repeat business because people don't know where I will be, fuck I don't even know where I will be.
Thanksgiving Is this week and I don't think I could be less excited about it if I worked at it. Holidays now are just about scheduling meals between the drives from Melissa's mom's house to my mom's house. Then I get to work 12 hour shifts on Friday and Saturday. The serious goal for next year...NOT WORK RETAIL. I want a job where you get Wednesday, Thursday and Friday off for Thanksgiving.
I really should be in bed I have to go to a fucking work meeting tomorrow at 7:30. Yes, that is right 7:30 when the stores open at 10. The day before Thanksgiving we have a meeting for some really lame bullshit. I know if I lay down I will just lay there and not sleep. I really just want to open up 9 tables and play myself into oblivion, either robusto or busto, it doesn't really matter too much at this point I guess. I mean it is pretty safe to assume that it wont be robusto.
All of this is taking a toll on my relationship with Melissa too. I am in such a shitty mood most of the time, I am not really ever in the mood to have relations. It is really pretty terrible that all of this shit is ruining everything else.
I guess I am done bitching for now, look for more later
Until later.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
A few hands and some kung fu
I haven't been playing much the past few days because I took a Kung-Fu test this morning and was trying to gear up for that to make sure that I was ready for it. I was thinking about it and it has been close to a year since I have tested. I felt pretty prepared and it helped that I have known about it for 2 months. I am really ready to get on to some new things, I am not sure what I will be learning at this new level. Before now there were always things that I had seen other people doing at higher levels that I would look forward to and I haven't really seen much so far.
The test it self went pretty well I only had one big mess up and it had to do with a stepping pattern that is pretty funky if you don't have someone to do it against. It is called a Chong ma, describing it is weird but it is an aggressive bracing step and it is effective. Other than that it went pretty smooth there were a lot of junior students testing so I really didn't have to do much, stepping patterns, forms, some chi-sao drills and the triangle at the end. The triangle is what I was most worried about but it went pretty well, Sifu called it pretty quick so I didn't have much time.
Melissa was there and she took the new camera but because of how Sifu does the seating at the new school it is hard to video from most angles. Oh well, maybe next time. Chad came and brought Michelle his girl friend so that was cool, Pops and Kate were going to come but I guess Dad had a bit of anti-socialness kick in this morning because they didn't come. That kind of sucks because Kate hasn't been to any of my tests and she wants to see one pretty bad.
Work has been really getting to me lately, I have been getting really irritated about it and it was really affecting me outside of work. I decided to take a step back and decided to just let it flow, I can't control how many customers come in or what they are going to want to buy. I have better things to worry about than that kind of shit. I tend to nit-pick jobs and I am really trying not to with AT&T but it can be kind of difficult. I am making good money so I am going to pay off all my shit and then take a look and see where I am.
Now for poker; my last few sessions have been winners and that is good but I still have ground to make up. I have really been trying to break down my play and try to build up. A friend of mine sent me a post and told me to read it and I would find why I am not really crushing. I read it and it is so true, emotional control is my biggest leak. I am a huge Tilt-tard and it is something that I need to really work on. I am not sure the best way to work on it but I can't let a beat cause me to play terrible for the rest of my session. Link to the post is here, scroll down to post 37 and that is the meat of it. This guy is incredible and hopefully I can come up with something to turn me around.
Here are a few hands I played today that I found pretty interesting.
http://weaktight.com/535661
This was a hand that was pretty interesting. I don't mind my flat preflop because I have found that people stack off a little lighter in this kind of situation. In this hand the outcome is the same since he has KK and I have AA. The king on the flop really doesn't bother me because I feel that he plays AK the exact same way also I win a little bit more when I raise his Cbet and then folds if he has nothing. I got lucky on the river finally.
http://weaktight.com/535664
This hand was pretty standard I guess. I know that I am not supposed to be folding KK preflop for 100BBs but I knew I was getting it in vs AA here. I am finding that at this level people are not going nuts with AK or QQ preflop like this. Hopefully soon I will get to a level where people are a little more aggro and getting it in with KK preflop isn't always vs. AA
http://weaktight.com/535667
This was just a cooler. Stacks are a little weird because he is playing short, I knew when he snap called that he had T9, I was hoping for the board to pair obv but no such luck. Not a huge deal just made a note about his terrible preflop call and moved on. I really think that is the key for me, just stop dwelling and move on.
The session was only like 525 hands everything else was pretty blah. It is 3AM and I need to go to bed.
Until later.
The test it self went pretty well I only had one big mess up and it had to do with a stepping pattern that is pretty funky if you don't have someone to do it against. It is called a Chong ma, describing it is weird but it is an aggressive bracing step and it is effective. Other than that it went pretty smooth there were a lot of junior students testing so I really didn't have to do much, stepping patterns, forms, some chi-sao drills and the triangle at the end. The triangle is what I was most worried about but it went pretty well, Sifu called it pretty quick so I didn't have much time.
Melissa was there and she took the new camera but because of how Sifu does the seating at the new school it is hard to video from most angles. Oh well, maybe next time. Chad came and brought Michelle his girl friend so that was cool, Pops and Kate were going to come but I guess Dad had a bit of anti-socialness kick in this morning because they didn't come. That kind of sucks because Kate hasn't been to any of my tests and she wants to see one pretty bad.
Work has been really getting to me lately, I have been getting really irritated about it and it was really affecting me outside of work. I decided to take a step back and decided to just let it flow, I can't control how many customers come in or what they are going to want to buy. I have better things to worry about than that kind of shit. I tend to nit-pick jobs and I am really trying not to with AT&T but it can be kind of difficult. I am making good money so I am going to pay off all my shit and then take a look and see where I am.
Now for poker; my last few sessions have been winners and that is good but I still have ground to make up. I have really been trying to break down my play and try to build up. A friend of mine sent me a post and told me to read it and I would find why I am not really crushing. I read it and it is so true, emotional control is my biggest leak. I am a huge Tilt-tard and it is something that I need to really work on. I am not sure the best way to work on it but I can't let a beat cause me to play terrible for the rest of my session. Link to the post is here, scroll down to post 37 and that is the meat of it. This guy is incredible and hopefully I can come up with something to turn me around.
Here are a few hands I played today that I found pretty interesting.
http://weaktight.com/535661
This was a hand that was pretty interesting. I don't mind my flat preflop because I have found that people stack off a little lighter in this kind of situation. In this hand the outcome is the same since he has KK and I have AA. The king on the flop really doesn't bother me because I feel that he plays AK the exact same way also I win a little bit more when I raise his Cbet and then folds if he has nothing. I got lucky on the river finally.
http://weaktight.com/535664
This hand was pretty standard I guess. I know that I am not supposed to be folding KK preflop for 100BBs but I knew I was getting it in vs AA here. I am finding that at this level people are not going nuts with AK or QQ preflop like this. Hopefully soon I will get to a level where people are a little more aggro and getting it in with KK preflop isn't always vs. AA
http://weaktight.com/535667
This was just a cooler. Stacks are a little weird because he is playing short, I knew when he snap called that he had T9, I was hoping for the board to pair obv but no such luck. Not a huge deal just made a note about his terrible preflop call and moved on. I really think that is the key for me, just stop dwelling and move on.
The session was only like 525 hands everything else was pretty blah. It is 3AM and I need to go to bed.
Until later.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
updates and other stuff
Poker is going meh, I don't even want to talk about it. I still don't get why i am losing but whatever.
I bought a new camera and I have been playing with that a lot. It is pretty cool.
I was supposed to have a bunch of customers come in to activate new lines of service today and none of them showed up. I was talking about luck of the draw and how heavy it plays into this job. This guy comes out and says that its not luck and he just is a better sales man. This idiot was standing at the door and the first person he spoke with says I want to activate a line. It is not like anyone is really going to great depths to sell here, people come up and say what they want. It really pissed me off. I get stuck with long drawn out bullshit and he gets two new lines.
I am really tired of a lot of things that are happening at work. I might start looking here soon, we will see what happens.
That is really it for now, I test next Saturday so that will be cool.
Until Later
I bought a new camera and I have been playing with that a lot. It is pretty cool.
I was supposed to have a bunch of customers come in to activate new lines of service today and none of them showed up. I was talking about luck of the draw and how heavy it plays into this job. This guy comes out and says that its not luck and he just is a better sales man. This idiot was standing at the door and the first person he spoke with says I want to activate a line. It is not like anyone is really going to great depths to sell here, people come up and say what they want. It really pissed me off. I get stuck with long drawn out bullshit and he gets two new lines.
I am really tired of a lot of things that are happening at work. I might start looking here soon, we will see what happens.
That is really it for now, I test next Saturday so that will be cool.
Until Later
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Just kidding
I am a glutton for punishment. I have been playing and still running like shit. I swear to god eventually I will stop having the worst fucking luck on the planet.
Piece of shit luck boxes. I really just want to have a long break even stretch.
Piece of shit luck boxes. I really just want to have a long break even stretch.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
I am beyond done with the bullshit.
I have said it before but it is the real deal this time. I am done with it. I cant fucking win so I give up.
These are some sick hands I have played that illustrate the fact that I cant win at poker.
http://weaktight.com/505695 who fucking 3 bets with 88 in position...guy was 15/11
http://weaktight.com/505696 just fucking annoying
http://weaktight.com/505697 nothing to say here
These are some sick hands I have played that illustrate the fact that I cant win at poker.
http://weaktight.com/505695 who fucking 3 bets with 88 in position...guy was 15/11
http://weaktight.com/505696 just fucking annoying
http://weaktight.com/505697 nothing to say here
Thursday, October 23, 2008
fuck poker
So this month has been terrible. I have done two sessions of coaching and still cant get it right or i am just running terrible. I dont think its all running bad. If I play a draw fast I get told to play it slow and vice versa. I am fucking done with it for at least a little while. No fucking reason that I have played for as long as i have and still cant beat fucking online retards. I ma tired of wasting my life and money trying to be good at this when it seems this fucking impossible.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Fucking poker gods/charter and I have a new nemesis
Ok so it has been a little bit since I have posted a blog. I have been dabbling in donkaments as of late and have been getting deep but then getting FUCKED at the end.
On Saturday I play a tourney where first place is $3k and I am getting pretty deep when I made a semi bad play and lost my stack. I was disappointed but I think his play is worse than mine is. Whatever, no big deal. Traditional wisdom says that limping is bad but there were lots of limped pots so I decided to take a shot. I think my line here is super strong and I think his call with the non-nut flush draw is bad.
Sunday I am sitting here with Melissa and I decide to see if any tourneys are going on. I login and there is a $10 with Rebuys and add-ons going on and I decide to jump in, since there is an $80k guarantee. I spend about $50 total and start to do really well picking up chips and running super hot. At about the second break I am in the top 20 in chips. We are on break. I go to take a leak and come back and my internet is not working. No big deal the breaks are 5 minutes long so I can restart my modem and my router and that fixes it (piece of shit Charter internet). I do this about 4 or 5 times and nothing is working and I am freaking out now, the tourney has by now started back and I am being blinded off.
This tourney is a huge deal $12k for first and second place is $9k, so I am walking around pacing, thinking. I try the desktop and it doesn't work. I look down at the modem and the lights are flashing, (I know I paid the bill). I start calling anyone and everyone I know who might have Pokerstars installed on their computer, they are all playing poker at a home game and not answering my calls at first, I finally get a hold of one and his internet is out as well.. My iphone is lagging a little bit as I am furiously dialing trying to get to anyone, I am so pissed and I almost chunk it against the wall, but I stop myself barely.
I am using my wireless to look for any other network, thank god I live in an older community where the people don't know how to lock their networks. Unfortunately they all have Charter as well, people really should have a little fucking choice in their provider, and I can't connect. Melissa is just watching me pace, I am anticipating how mad my neighbors will be when I start hitting the walls. I am trying to think of some place I can go to to use Wi-fi and then Melissa brings up Bakerstreet pub. It is this bar that we go to and its super close, I decide that its my only chance.
I run to the bedroom slap on some shoes and grab the laptop and dash out the door like a fat kid when the lunch lady announces they have enough to give seconds. I open the laptop up on my passenger seat and drive to the bar trying to pick up networks along the way. Not paying attention, running stop signs, no seatbelt, fuck it the cop can have a cut of $12k.
I get to the bar and sign in and half of my fucking chips are gone. I try to calm down the roar in my ears it sounds like am in a conch shell. I pick up a few hands that I can steal, then I get KK in the big blind and it folds around to the small blind and I am cussing and pissed because I know he will fold and I win the blinds, fucking great. I look away for a minute and then hear the attention beep and I look down semi interested. Not only has this fucking chump called, he open shoved for a ridicalously large amount. I gleefully call and expect to see aces, yes that is my luck, but no he has a premium hand of 78 off suit.
My kings hold up and the guy is pissed cussing in chat and someone calls the moderator. "we understand that this is an adult site, but everyone is here to have fun, please watch the language." Kiss my ass cock smoke, I am trying to play here. So now I am back up to what I was before the poker gods/fucking charter decided to fuck with me. I steal a few more hands, and am doing well, I raise a hand and miss and have to fold. I win a huge pot where I raise 79s on the button and the cheap leader calls and the flop is 987 and I get a call when he checks and I bet. The turn is a 9 giving me a full house, I shove for less than the pot and he snap calls with Ace nine. The river is a blank and all of the sudden I am second in chips.
I am feeling pretty good and am talking to my friend on the phone and he makes an interesting statement. "Do you know if the bar turns off their Wi-fi after 2?" Suddenly I am back in the conch shell my head is roaring, my balls are in my intestines. I get off the phone with the intention to go ask the bouncer as he is telling the drunk tcu trust fund bitches that the bar is closing in 5 minutes. Then I decide I cant leave and will look up the number and call. I find the number and put it in my phone and hit call. I wait for a second and then FUCK, its an automated system. Piece of shit, I guess I will have to go ask.
I hear the ding for attention, I look down on the button with aces. Holy shit this is it, a guy in middle position raises. I think, 'maybe just call because a rereaise looks so strong', the tricky part of my brain thinks, 'FUCK that,' the analytical side chimes in, 'raise that shit up'. I repop it and the small blind calls which is random and odd, but whatever the original raiser calls and we see the flop of 678 with two diamonds. The small blind who is second in chips overall (i lost some chips due to huge antes and blinds, damn turbo structure) bets the minimum and the original raiser folds and its my action. I am thinking about how much to bet when I look up and see the pot is more than my stack, I shove hoping to see him fold.
I am chanting to myself "Please no set, please no set...just fold, or call with Ace 7." He calls and shows 44. He has an underpair and a gut shot for the majority of his stack. He has 6 outs to win this hand. My head is spinning as I am looking at the board and his hand wondering if I am missing something. Then it dawns on me, wow this guy just crippled himself with only 6 outs. The turn is a 7, my tribal chant has changed to the rendition of, "NO 5, NO 5..." River.....5. I drop my phone as the automated system is still giving me the bar's hours and my guts wrench up. I am out in 37th place for $150.
I stare at the screen with my mouth hanging open, you have got to be fucking kidding me, come here moderator I have some choice words for you now. I dodge 6 outs and I have like $2.8 million in chips and can coast to the final table. Disheartening to say the least, play two tournies two nights in a row and cash but get fucked both times. I close the laptop and drive back home to the apartment in a much safer white knuckled manner than the previous drive.
Drk confidant my new nemesis, I loathe you with force that will never be rivaled, I hope you die in a grease fire. I would do terrible things to your belongings. Before I close the laptop I see him dump off around 700k in chips. I dont know if he even made it to the final table. I will check tomorrow once my internet is working and I call Charter and tell them I want a free month of service for all this bullshit.
The Hand is here if you want it
http://weaktight.com/455204
Grammer and punctuation are not important when I am pissed, that is why this is so bad lol.
On Saturday I play a tourney where first place is $3k and I am getting pretty deep when I made a semi bad play and lost my stack. I was disappointed but I think his play is worse than mine is. Whatever, no big deal. Traditional wisdom says that limping is bad but there were lots of limped pots so I decided to take a shot. I think my line here is super strong and I think his call with the non-nut flush draw is bad.
Sunday I am sitting here with Melissa and I decide to see if any tourneys are going on. I login and there is a $10 with Rebuys and add-ons going on and I decide to jump in, since there is an $80k guarantee. I spend about $50 total and start to do really well picking up chips and running super hot. At about the second break I am in the top 20 in chips. We are on break. I go to take a leak and come back and my internet is not working. No big deal the breaks are 5 minutes long so I can restart my modem and my router and that fixes it (piece of shit Charter internet). I do this about 4 or 5 times and nothing is working and I am freaking out now, the tourney has by now started back and I am being blinded off.
This tourney is a huge deal $12k for first and second place is $9k, so I am walking around pacing, thinking. I try the desktop and it doesn't work. I look down at the modem and the lights are flashing, (I know I paid the bill). I start calling anyone and everyone I know who might have Pokerstars installed on their computer, they are all playing poker at a home game and not answering my calls at first, I finally get a hold of one and his internet is out as well.. My iphone is lagging a little bit as I am furiously dialing trying to get to anyone, I am so pissed and I almost chunk it against the wall, but I stop myself barely.
I am using my wireless to look for any other network, thank god I live in an older community where the people don't know how to lock their networks. Unfortunately they all have Charter as well, people really should have a little fucking choice in their provider, and I can't connect. Melissa is just watching me pace, I am anticipating how mad my neighbors will be when I start hitting the walls. I am trying to think of some place I can go to to use Wi-fi and then Melissa brings up Bakerstreet pub. It is this bar that we go to and its super close, I decide that its my only chance.
I run to the bedroom slap on some shoes and grab the laptop and dash out the door like a fat kid when the lunch lady announces they have enough to give seconds. I open the laptop up on my passenger seat and drive to the bar trying to pick up networks along the way. Not paying attention, running stop signs, no seatbelt, fuck it the cop can have a cut of $12k.
I get to the bar and sign in and half of my fucking chips are gone. I try to calm down the roar in my ears it sounds like am in a conch shell. I pick up a few hands that I can steal, then I get KK in the big blind and it folds around to the small blind and I am cussing and pissed because I know he will fold and I win the blinds, fucking great. I look away for a minute and then hear the attention beep and I look down semi interested. Not only has this fucking chump called, he open shoved for a ridicalously large amount. I gleefully call and expect to see aces, yes that is my luck, but no he has a premium hand of 78 off suit.
My kings hold up and the guy is pissed cussing in chat and someone calls the moderator. "we understand that this is an adult site, but everyone is here to have fun, please watch the language." Kiss my ass cock smoke, I am trying to play here. So now I am back up to what I was before the poker gods/fucking charter decided to fuck with me. I steal a few more hands, and am doing well, I raise a hand and miss and have to fold. I win a huge pot where I raise 79s on the button and the cheap leader calls and the flop is 987 and I get a call when he checks and I bet. The turn is a 9 giving me a full house, I shove for less than the pot and he snap calls with Ace nine. The river is a blank and all of the sudden I am second in chips.
I am feeling pretty good and am talking to my friend on the phone and he makes an interesting statement. "Do you know if the bar turns off their Wi-fi after 2?" Suddenly I am back in the conch shell my head is roaring, my balls are in my intestines. I get off the phone with the intention to go ask the bouncer as he is telling the drunk tcu trust fund bitches that the bar is closing in 5 minutes. Then I decide I cant leave and will look up the number and call. I find the number and put it in my phone and hit call. I wait for a second and then FUCK, its an automated system. Piece of shit, I guess I will have to go ask.
I hear the ding for attention, I look down on the button with aces. Holy shit this is it, a guy in middle position raises. I think, 'maybe just call because a rereaise looks so strong', the tricky part of my brain thinks, 'FUCK that,' the analytical side chimes in, 'raise that shit up'. I repop it and the small blind calls which is random and odd, but whatever the original raiser calls and we see the flop of 678 with two diamonds. The small blind who is second in chips overall (i lost some chips due to huge antes and blinds, damn turbo structure) bets the minimum and the original raiser folds and its my action. I am thinking about how much to bet when I look up and see the pot is more than my stack, I shove hoping to see him fold.
I am chanting to myself "Please no set, please no set...just fold, or call with Ace 7." He calls and shows 44. He has an underpair and a gut shot for the majority of his stack. He has 6 outs to win this hand. My head is spinning as I am looking at the board and his hand wondering if I am missing something. Then it dawns on me, wow this guy just crippled himself with only 6 outs. The turn is a 7, my tribal chant has changed to the rendition of, "NO 5, NO 5..." River.....5. I drop my phone as the automated system is still giving me the bar's hours and my guts wrench up. I am out in 37th place for $150.
I stare at the screen with my mouth hanging open, you have got to be fucking kidding me, come here moderator I have some choice words for you now. I dodge 6 outs and I have like $2.8 million in chips and can coast to the final table. Disheartening to say the least, play two tournies two nights in a row and cash but get fucked both times. I close the laptop and drive back home to the apartment in a much safer white knuckled manner than the previous drive.
Drk confidant my new nemesis, I loathe you with force that will never be rivaled, I hope you die in a grease fire. I would do terrible things to your belongings. Before I close the laptop I see him dump off around 700k in chips. I dont know if he even made it to the final table. I will check tomorrow once my internet is working and I call Charter and tell them I want a free month of service for all this bullshit.
The Hand is here if you want it
http://weaktight.com/455204
Grammer and punctuation are not important when I am pissed, that is why this is so bad lol.
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